Kurt Cobain's complete suicide note:
DISCLAIMER: This is the note as it appeared in NME. The original note is in
the hands of the Seattle Police Department. Two copies were made, one given to the Medical Examiner, the second to Courtney
Love. It was Courtney's copy that showed up in NME.
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced
simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.
All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say,
ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement
of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words
about these things.
For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins,
it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from
the crowd, which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair
to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100%
Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything
within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we
have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're
gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child.
last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally and as fans of our music, but I
still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply
love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus
man! Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!
I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a
daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone
is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought
of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.
I have it good, very good, and